When Hope Disappoints
For the past few months, I've been seeing a homeopath in hopes of finding a natural remedy to cure all my ills. When you live each day in pain that affects your mood, energy levels, and focus, you grow desperate for answers. So, I reached out to a local homeopath.
The first treatment she prescribed did wonders. I felt like a different person. My pain was drastically lessened. My mood was greatly improved. My energy level wasn't exactly through the roof, but it was far better than it had been in a long time. Yup, for about two weeks, I felt like I was on Cloud Nine.
But, slowly, my symptoms began to return. We tried adjusting the dosage, but that seemed to only cause issues with my sleep patterns. From there, we tried a different treatment that not only didn't help but seemed to send me back to where I was from the very beginning.
During my recent visit, I shared my frustration about returning to square one but kept hidden that I was reaching a place where I dreaded being optimistic about discovering a solution. I've grown so disheartened when circumstances appear to improve only to plummet again that I'm scared to embrace hope. I'm weary of letdowns, so in some attempt to shield myself, I've attempted to convince myself to abandon dreams of improvement and simply resign to the fact that this current state is the best I can expect.
But, is that any way to live?
The truth is, hope can be a dangerous thing when it's fixed on the wrong object. When I place my hope in a treatment, a doctor, or even my own resilience, I'm setting myself up for inevitable disappointment. These earthly anchors were never designed to bear the weight of our deepest hopes.
In Psalm 43:5, David asks himself a profound question: "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God."
Notice David doesn't say, "Hope that your circumstances will improve" or "Hope the pain will go away." He says, "Hope in God."
When my hope is anchored in God rather than outcomes, it becomes unshakeable. My circumstances may fluctuate wildly—two weeks of relief followed by months of setbacks—but God remains steadfast. I'm learning (albeit slowly) that true hope isn't about expecting God to remove my struggles but trusting Him to walk through them with me and use them for His glory.
This doesn't mean I should stop seeking medical help or trying new treatments. After all, God often works through doctors and medicine. But it does mean I can pursue healing without making it my ultimate source of hope.
So today, I'm challenging myself to redirect my disappointed hopes heavenward. Instead of protecting myself from disappointment by refusing to hope at all, I'm choosing to hope in the One who never disappoints, even when my circumstances do.
"For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth." (Psalm 71:5)