Living in Limbo
Today was supposed to be the closing date on our house, but instead, the house isn’t even on the market again yet. Yup, instead of living our dreams, we’re living in limbo. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, limbo is defined as “a place or state of restraint or confinement, a place or state of neglect or oblivion, an intermediate or transitional place or state, or a state of uncertainty.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Confined to at least another couple of months of living out of boxes and suitcases. Feeling neglected by God because He doesn’t seem to care that things aren’t working out as we feel they should. Transitioning from having a place of our own to sharing a space with others and trying to figure out how to make everything work. Uncertain when the house will go on the market, when it will sell, if our motorhome will still be waiting for us at that time, and how to make the best of our waiting time. Limbo! Not a pleasant place to exist, especially for a particular redhead who likes order and routine and security.
I’ll be honest with you, the past several weeks have been difficult for me, and I’ve had to deal with some raw feelings of anger towards God. I felt as if He lined everything up for us so perfectly only to pull the rug out from under us at the last minute. It seemed so cruel. I mean, we’re trying to do all of this for Him, after all. We’re trying to surrender, to go all in, to cut all ties, but it seems like all the powers of both Heaven and hell are against us. How can that be?
These are the issues and questions I’ve been dealing with lately, and it’s taken a while to rid my heart of its anger and bitterness and to come to trust in what I know to be true—that God loves me and wants only what is best for me.
Part of that healing came from a statement my pastor made in church last Sunday. I wasn’t able to make it to church because I was feeling unwell, but I watched the service on Facebook live. The message was on the imprisonment of Paul and Silas and how they rejoiced even in the darkest time of suffering. The pastor quoted Psalm 34:18 which says, The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Then he asked, “Are you willing to be broken hearted for a while if it means drawing closer to the Lord?” God had my complete attention!
My daily prayer is to draw closer to God, to love Him more and be more like Him. Could it be that through this time of limbo, God is answering that prayer? And if so, is it worth it?
I won’t lie to you—I don’t like living in limbo! The uncertainty from day to day is draining. The waiting is difficult. I’ve never felt so out of sorts and out of place. That being said, if this is what it takes to know God more, I’ll bear it. I don’t know that I can honestly say I’ll like it, but I’ll do my best to live through it, trusting that God is working all things for my good. A lot of things may be uncertain right now, but my desire to draw nigh to God is not. So, instead of lamenting my “limbo life,” I intend to do all I can to use this time for God’s glory. If nothing else, I’ve gotten several book ideas from this ordeal. Now, I just need to get busy writing them!
Dear one, perhaps you’re all too familiar with living in limbo. Maybe you feel confined, uncertain, neglected, or out of place. You, too, know what it’s like to feel angry with God because His actions seem cruel and uncaring. But God is not that way. It’s not in His nature. He is love itself, and we know He cares for us.
It may be that God has allowed you to be broken-hearted so that you can draw closer to Him. He may be using this trial to move you to a place to where you have nowhere else to turn. He isn’t being cruel; He’s doing us a favor. He’s inviting us into His presence and into a deeper understanding of His nature. Yes, it’s difficult (and I’m not going to pretend anything to the contrary), but I ask you, friend, is it worth it?
“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.”