When the Truth Hurts
“And they journeyed from mount Hor by the way of the Red sea, to compass the land of Edom: and the soul of the people was much discouraged because of the way. And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread.”
Every time I read this passage, I think of how spoiled and ungrateful the children of Israel were. Just before this instance, God had delivered them from a threatening army. In countless ways before this, God had provided for their needs. Despite their complaints, they had both food and water. They also had the protection of God. Yet, every time things looked a bit gloomy, the Israelites were complaining.
"It was better when we were in Egypt."
"You brought us out here to die."
"We're tired of this journey!"
"We know God has fed us, but we loathe this stuff."
Whine, whine, whine!
Unfortunately, I was recently reminded how easy it is to fall into the same trap of discontentment. September marks the three-year anniversary of our time on deputation, raising the monthly support we need to be missionaries in Wales. And while we're nearing the end of our journey, I admit, my long-suffering seems to be growing shorter. To put it bluntly, I'm tired and weary.
When we first started traveling, it was fun and exciting. It was a joy to see new places and visit some of America's most interesting places. But after a while, the travels got old. Deputation is not for the faint of heart. There is no stability because you're constantly moving from place to place. There is no routine or schedule because every day is different. Keeping a steady diet and exercise plan is nearly impossible. And even having the time to be still and do nothing is hard to come by. It's busy. It's hectic. It's tiresome.
And as we near that three-year mark, I'm feeling the weight of the journey. But more than that, I find myself dreading the next few months. I'm ready to be done. I want to be in Wales. I'm tired of traveling, weary with the lack of routine, and feeling like my body has been run over multiple times by our 35-foot motorhome.
As I expressed all of this through tears to my precious husband, he listened patiently. Then, he told me the truth. He spoke it in love, but it stung just the same. Like the children of Israel, my soul had grown discouraged because of the way, and I was starting to sound just like them. In my weariness and fatigue, I had overlooked all of God's blessings and focused only on the negatives. And in my despair, I had basically thrown God's gifts back in His face and said, "I loathe this!" OUCH!!!
Deputation is hard. There's no denying that. But, in the past three years, I've seen God move in some mighty ways. I've learned a lot. I've met a lot of people I would have never met otherwise. I've seen things I would have probably never witnessed had I not been on this journey. I've grown closer to God and closer to Jason. It's been a fantastic time of learning to trust in all-new ways and seeing God answer prayers like never before. Despite its difficulties, it's helped me in many ways and prepared me for the ministry to which God has called me.
We all have days when the journey seems too great or the task feels overwhelming. But, let's be careful not to overlook our blessings. Otherwise, we'll become like the children of Israel—ungrateful, complaining, and downright rude. God has done so much for every one of us. Yes, some days are hard. And, yes, some journeys seem like they'll never end. But if we'll keep our focus on the blessings instead of the "blahs," we'll be much better off.
“Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:”