Is Beauty Really in the Eye of the Beholder?
“Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.”
We’ve all heard the saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover,” but how many times do we do that very thing? Maybe not with books, but with people. I’ve been reminded of this truth many times over the past few months.
It began when one lady confessed she had been nervous about meeting me. This family was one Jason has known for some time, but though I had met them, it was a long time ago, and I don’t think she remembered. Anyway, as we had dinner together, she admitted, “You’re nothing like I thought you would be. You’re so easy to talk to. I didn’t expect that.” Confused by her statement, I asked why she thought that. Her reply was, “Well, you just seem to have it all together, and I didn’t think we would have much in common.” I laughed out loud. Me? Have it all together? If she only knew.
On another occasion, a fellow missionary expressed how difficult she found deputation because she wasn’t naturally outgoing. I agreed with her and told her my struggles with overcoming my introvert tendencies. Her mouth fell open as she exclaimed, “You’re an introvert? I would have never guessed.” I thought maybe she was being sarcastic, but she wasn’t. I had her fooled into thinking I was outgoing. I guess my deputation philosophy of “Fake it till you make it” regarding my shy nature was working. Who knew?
Then, there was an instance when we met up with some missionaries we had first met long ago. Jason kept encouraging me to go over and speak with the wife, but I didn’t feel comfortable. First off, as an introvert, I’m horrible at starting up conversations. It’s awkward, and I never know what to say. Second, I got the impression this particular person didn’t like me. She’d barely spoken two words to me since we arrived and seemed content to sit alone in her own little world. So, I kept my distance, offering a smile and nod but nothing more. Later that week, I discovered she was battling severe health issues, which had led to an onset of anxiety and depression. I felt horrible! I could have been a friend. I should have been someone to lean on. But because I misjudged the situation, I left her to suffer alone. I’m so ashamed.
As if all of these situations weren’t enough, God drove the point home with one more example. While visiting a church in Ohio, I was asked to play the piano for the congregational singing. The instrument was old and beautiful. Its dark wood was chiseled into elegant shapes that scrolled across the body, and I was excited about the privilege of playing such a lovely piano.
However, when I reached the instrument, I saw that I had, once again, judged something by its outward appearance. Not only was the piano badly out of tune, but the keys were worn and looked as if someone had cut across the entire length of the keyboard with a chainsaw. The jagged lines rubbed my fingers—a constant reminder that beautiful things often have ugly scars just beneath the surface.
I don’t like to be judged unfairly. It’s miserable to be misunderstood. Having a chronic joint issue and other health ailments that are not visible to the naked eye, I often feel others are judging me because of my inability to perform specific tasks. The simple circular motion of wiping down a counter often results in a shoulder dislocation. It’s crazy, but it’s true. For that reason, my home is not as clean as I would like or as clean as others think it should be. The truth is, there may not be anyone judging me at all, and these ideas are all in my head. But, I know my tendency to jump to conclusions about someone based on outward appearances, so I assume others do the same.
Friends, we must be cautious. We can’t know the book’s contents based on the cover alone. Neither can we know a person’s story based on outward appearances. She may not be rude; she may be shy. He may not be ignoring you; he may be so lost in his pain, he didn’t notice you. She may not be lazy; she may have an immune disorder she doesn’t want to publicize because she doesn’t want people to feel sorry for her. He may not be angry; he may be passionate and not realize how similar the two traits can sound. We can’t know their hearts, but we should be willing to try. And the first step is for us to put aside all preconceived notions. By doing so, we may find a new friend or maybe someone who’s been praying for a shoulder to cry on. Either way, we’ll be living more like Jesus. And isn’t that what it’s all about?
“Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge. There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?”
