Coming Unraveled

Upon our return from the last long stretch of missions conferences, I had a mountain of laundry to wash.  So, the day after we got home, I carefully sorted the many loads and spent the day catching up on paperwork as I cycled clothes between the washer and dryer.

As I pulled the last load from the dryer, I realized I had made a dreadful mistake.  During our trip, my long black sweater had begun to come apart at the bottom of the left sleeve.  I had intended to sew it up as soon as I could, but one look at the remains of my sweater told me that was no longer an option.  The entire thing had unraveled from the bottom of the sleeve all the way down to the waistband.  It no longer even resembled a sweater.  In the words of Charlie Brown, “Good grief!”

I held the sweater in my hands, trying to make sense of the feelings swelling inside me.  On the one hand, there was remorse.  I really liked that sweater.  It was comfortable and suitable for both casual and dressy wear.  Bummer!  But there was another feeling—resonance.  Yep, at that moment, I knew exactly how that sweater felt, for I, too, had felt myself unraveling.

Most of you know this about me by now, but for those who may not, I’ll fill you in.  When I’m overtired or unwell, I become easy prey to Satan’s deadly darts.  And by the end of that hard push of nearly two weeks, I was feeling both overtired and unwell.  My body ached.  My mind was tired.  And my spirit—well, it fluctuated between overjoyed and underwhelmed.

And in the aftermath of our trip, the attacks began.  Words like whiny, wimpy, and worthless swirled in my head like a threatening tornado.  The Bible says, “for as he thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7), and I saw that verse come true in my life as my negative feelings began to spill from my mouth in a whiny fashion.  Nothing was good enough.  Nothing was right.  I didn’t feel well, and I wanted everyone to know it.

But then, someone called me on it.  Yup, someone loved me enough to point out my whininess, and while I definitely needed the rebuke, it set off a chain of events in my brain that began the ultimate unraveling.  I felt whiny, and my whininess was confirmed by someone else.  So, in my warped view, I concluded all the other thoughts in my head must be true as well.  I was whiny, wimpy, and worthless.  And at that “revelation,” the threads of my identity in Christ unraveled more and more until something wonderful happened.

The unraveling of my sweater was stopped by the heavy stitching at the belt loop.  What goes in a belt loop?  A belt, of course.  And what does the Bible say about a belt?  Though it doesn’t use the word specifically in the KJV, the interpretation of the passage is referring to a belt.

“Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;”

— Ephesians 6:14

In this portion of Scripture, the Lord is telling us how to defend ourselves against the attacks of Satan and this world.  In this detailed accounting of the armor of God, the passage describes a belt of truth.  Oh, what a glorious item of clothing! Though unlike a standard belt in our closets, the belt of truth is a necessity, not an accessory.  

Just as the belt loop halted the unraveling of my sweater, so did the belt of truth halt the unraveling of my spirit.  Through my daily Bible reading, prayer time, and Christ-centered music, God reminded me of who I am in Him.  Though I am not—nor will I ever be—perfect, He will always feel I am worth dying for.  He loves me despite my mistakes and failings, and He knows my heart.  He knows how hard I try to do what’s right and how much I regret the times I fall short.  In His eyes, I am not whiny, wimpy, or worthless.  I have His word on it!

And that, my friends, is the power of the truth.  It sets us free.  It can protect us from Satan’s attacks.  It can set straight the chaos in our minds by reminding us to distinguish between fact and feeling.  The truth can make the difference between victory and defeat.

Perhaps you, too, can relate to my poor sweater.  Maybe you’re feeling unraveled in your heart and mind today.  If so, may I remind you to put on the belt of truth?  Open your Bible.  Open your ears.  Open your heart.  Take in God’s word and apply it to your life.  Let it change you, comfort you, and identify you.  Find strength in the truth and allow it to chase away the feelings of worthlessness.

If we’re going to come apart, the best thing to do is to come apart and rest awhile in God’s embrace.