My Spirit Is Not So Willing
My grass looks horrible. No, let me rephrase that. My weeds look terrible. There is no grass in my yard. It is a lovely configuration of various types of weeds. Big. Small. Leafy. Stringy. Just weeds, plain and simple. But right now, those weeds are yellowish-brown and crunchy. There is no life left in them. My yard looks like the site of some major devastation. The upside is that the yard doesn't have to be mowed as frequently. The downside is that the site is depressing. The dreary scene seems to sap all the color out of everything: the trees, the sky, the flowers. It's just sad.
What is even more discouraging is that my body and spirit feel the same way. The past month and a half have been unlike anything I've ever imagined. It seemed like we jumped from one crisis to another. And then when things seemed to settle, Jason's work hit their busy season, and the chaos continued. I can't tell you that last time I got a full night's sleep. My exercises over the past month have been nearly non-existent. My eating habits have not gone in a favorable direction. And my daily routine? What is a routine again?
Please understand that I'm not complaining or seeking pity. I'm simply explaining how events in our lives can dry up our spirits and weaken our bodies. You know the verse that says "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Lately, I feel like my spirit is exhausted and my body is living off adrenaline and caffeine. I want my spirit to be willing, but I just can't seem to make it go that route.
It's not even that I'm discouraged. I'm just tired. I long to get back into a normal routine. Before all of this happened, I was making such good progress in my health plan and my writing. I felt good, energized and productive. Now, I feel like a zombie just trying to get through each day. I long for the state of life I had reached, but I realize that to reach that state again, I'll have to start over. That's a pleasant thought, isn't it?
Okay, now that you're totally depressed (cookie, anyone?), I'll tell you the good news. God's strength is perfect. Even though I may not feel like I have the energy to accomplish the day's tasks, God's grace is sufficient. Day by day, He gives me what I need to succeed. There is nothing that I can't do. He is all-powerful. Anything is possible! Everything is possible! In His strength, I can be willing and able to live life to its fullest.
What about you? Are you struggling to make it through? Do you feel like your life is a maze, and you're unsure which way to go? Does each day seem to bring more chaos than the day before? Are you so tired and weary that you can no longer find your "want to"? If so, don't give up. Don't be discouraged. No, you can't get through this time alone, but you don't have to. Turn to Jesus. Call His name. Open His Word. Hear His voice. Feel His presence. Allow Him to strengthen you. He can make all things right. Trust me. I know from experience.