Since moving to Wales, Jason and I have had to make many adjustments. Climate, time zone, and terms of measurement (like cm, liters, and Celsius)—to name a few. But for me, the biggest challenge has been figuring out who I am and my purpose in this new stage of life.

Sure, I’m a missionary, but what does that mean? What precisely does a missionary do? I’d never been a missionary before, so I had no idea what the job entailed. So, I looked around at what the missionaries here were doing and discovered I was in way over my head. The ways these people (particularly the ladies) served were way outside of my wheelhouse. They cleaned houses for the elderly and hosted lavish meals in their home. They volunteered at different places in the community and offered up their skills to those around them.

Please don’t get me wrong. These are all great things, but none of them are things that suit my personality or abilities. With my joint issues, I have a hard enough time cleaning my own house; there’s no way I’d be able to do it for others too. Whenever I host a dinner in my home, I work myself into a frenzy, and my inner Martha marches in and ruins the party for everyone. As for volunteering, I’m not against that, but most of the positions require skills I don’t have.

I’ve tried to push myself out of my comfort zone and do the “missionary thing,” but the process always leaves me feeling drained and downright cranky. In trying to minister to and please others, I’ve made myself miserable. If my efforts had paid off, I’d say it was worth it, but to be honest, I don’t think they have. After all, how can I communicate to others the peace and joy of the Lord when I feel so overwhelmed and out of sorts myself? Surely, there was a better way.

As I poured out my heart to the Lord over this inner turmoil, He opened my eyes to a powerful truth—there is a difference between a calling and a comfort zone. I thought I wasn’t living up to my full potential as a missionary because I was clinging to my comfort zone. I was under the impression that fear was the main thing holding me back. And while there may be a grain of truth in those assumptions, the Lord reminded me of the things I’ve done that were outside my comfort zone but left me feeling refreshed and exhilarated.

In addition to being a missionary, the Lord has called me to write and speak. That is my calling. When it comes to writing, I’m entirely in my comfort zone. Rarely am I happier or more peaceful than when I’m sitting in my office typing away at my computer or plotting out my next book. It’s just me, the Lord, and my thoughts. As an introvert, writing is my sweet spot.

Speaking, on the other hand, is way outside of my comfort zone. I love teaching the Word of God. I love preparing the lessons God gives me to share with others, but standing in front of a group of people and being the center of attention? Um, no! But here’s the crazy part: even though it’s outside of my comfort zone and scares me to death every time I do it, I love it! When I speak or teach, I feel like I’m pouring myself into others, and I feel so alive. No matter the size of the crowd, I feel like I’m making a difference. And when it’s all over, sure, I’m tired. Nerves will do that to a person! But I’m also so hyped up (in a good way). For that reason, I find myself looking for opportunities to get up in front of others and teach. Crazy, huh?

Here’s what I realized. Even though speaking scares me, I do it anyway and find joy in it. Yes, I’m out of my comfort zone, but I’m not out of my calling. I’m doing what the Lord has asked of me and using the skills He’s given me to complete the tasks before me.

When I try to be someone I’m not by doing what I think a missionary is supposed to do, I’m trying to perform a task without the necessary tools. Not only are these things outside of my comfort zone, but they’re outside of my skill set. They’re outside of my personality. And I believe now they’re outside of what God wants for me. He doesn’t need me to be someone else or emulate their form of ministry. He desires for me to be me and use the talents and gifts He’s given me in the way He leads.

So, now, I’ve figured out ways to serve that suit me best. I pick out the music and play the piano for our Sunday services. I take care of various promotional needs for the church and other missionaries, like flyers, websites, and emails. I create materials in the form of tracts and booklets for distribution in our community. I take care of the flower arrangements for the chapel. I speak at meetings. I’m looking to start a ladies’ Bible study in our home each week. And, I write. Yes, it’s a lot of time alone in my office rather than in the company of others, but who says the only way to minister is face-to-face?

I know this post has run long, so I apologize, but I felt this lesson needed to be shared. Perhaps, like me, you think you’re letting others down because you’re not living up to their idea of what you should be doing. Maybe you, too, have wondered if your reasoning for not conforming to the standards set forth by others is that you’re afraid of getting out of your comfort zone. If so, let me encourage you to pray. Yes, you could be clinging to comfort when God wants you to step into something new. But, you could also be confusing your calling with your comfort zone.

I’m learning to identify the difference by examining my attitude and energy. If it’s something I dread beforehand, press through during, and regret later (or simply feel apathetic), it’s not just out of my comfort zone. It’s outside my calling. Yes, sometimes these things are necessary, but they don’t have to be the norm.

On the other hand, if the task is something that terrifies me but also brings me great peace, joy, and life, that is what I’m called to do, even if it is outside my comfort zone.

It’s exhausting and disappointing to live up to someone else’s standards or walk in someone else’s footsteps. God never intended for us to do that. If He had, He would have made us all the same. The only example we need to follow is Jesus. Allow Him to show you the path that’s right for you. It doesn’t matter what others think as long as it’s God’s calling on your life. Live the life He’s called you to, not the one you think you’re supposed to live.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching; Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.

Romans 12:1-8