Have you ever felt alone? Do you feel like no one gets you? Like others don’t or can’t understand what you’re feeling or going through? I’m amazed at how many of us—though surrounded by family and friends—feel alone in our daily struggles and spiritual battles. As I read my morning devotional, I realized why so many of us are keeping our deep hurts to ourselves and trying to face them alone.

“Some days I feel as if I live on the edge of a razor and could fall off at any moment. It’s hard to say that out loud, because I know how this works: People will want to fix me. The truth is, I don’t think “fixed” is what I’m looking for. What I want is what I wish we’d been able to do a long time ago—to tell the truth, first to God, and then among friends, in a community of understanding, for as long as it takes to heal. ”

— Sheila Walsh, In the Middle of the Mess: Strength for This Beautiful, Broken Life

Wow! I get that. It’s difficult to open up these days because so many people react one of three ways:

1) They look at you with disdain. After all, you’re a Christian, a leader in the church, and no longer a spiritual babe in Christ. You should know better. You should do better. At this point in your spiritual walk, you shouldn’t have these struggles. You should be beyond such things like they are. Well, the truth is, everybody struggles with something. Your spiritual battles may differ from mine, but struggles are struggles. The fight is real. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. And the last thing we need is for others to look down on us and kick us while we’re down. So, instead of risking it, we hold back and keep our battles to ourselves.

2) They hand out Bible verses like band-aids or happy stickers and say, “There, don’t you feel better now?” Actually, no, I don’t. I’m not saying the Word of God isn’t powerful and that those healing passages of truth aren’t what we need, but I’m saying we need to be careful how we deliver that truth. Slinging Scripture at someone without taking the time to show love and compassion conveys the message we don’t care enough to put forth any real effort to encourage them or sympathize with them. We’re too busy to do more than pass along a few key passages of Scripture that we assume are remedies for whatever ails us. Again, I’m not belittling the power of God’s Word, but we need to be careful not to beat others to death with it.

3) They want to “fix” you. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve dared to open my heart to someone only to hear them reply, “Here’s what you need to do,” and then they give me a list of dos and don’ts. That, or they wave a dismissive hand and mutter some meaningless platitude like, “You just need to let it go,” or “Just don’t let it get to you.” So many times I feel like replying, “Oh, okay. I see now. I’m so glad you pointed that out. I didn’t realize I needed to let it go.” Seriously? I didn’t bear my burden so I could be “fixed.” I opened my heart hoping that person would put their arms around me and say, “I’m here for you,” or “I’m praying for you.” Or maybe even ask, “Is there anything I can do?” or “Is there any way I could lighten your load?”

Why do we, as Christians, make it so difficult to be honest with one another? Shouldn’t we—of all people—offer grace and compassion to our brothers and sisters in Christ? But instead, we’ve created an environment where too many of us are ashamed of our burdens and feel compelled to keep our hurts to ourselves because we think others won’t understand or will think less of us if they knew about our struggles. So, we bury the pain as deep as we can and plaster a smile on our faces for the entire world to see, but inside, we’re so lonely and discouraged and crying out for someone to care about us enough to allow us to be ourselves—our real selves.  

I began this devotion intending to encourage those who are lonely and hurting, and to that end, I want each of you to know I’m here for you. If you want to talk, I’m willing to listen. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m available. But even more than that, we have a Heavenly Father who knows, understands, and cares. He is full of love and compassion and more than willing to meet you where you are. No matter what you’ve done or how far you’ve fallen. He’s waiting with open arms and a listening ear.

Although I didn’t intend for the devotion to take this turn, I believe it is of the Lord, and I want to address all Christians. Take time for others. Please don’t be too busy or concerned with your own affairs you can’t (or won’t) take the time to bear another’s burdens. And, if someone thinks enough of you to open their heart to you and to let you see their raw, broken insides, consider that as a show of love and trust in you. Don’t betray that by treating them with disdain, brushing away their problems as no big deal, or trying to “fix” them. If they ask for advice, by all means, give it. But chances are they just need someone to be there for them so they don’t feel alone. Won’t you be that someone?

“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. ”— Galatians 6:2