If you’ve been following my writings for a while, you know Jason and I have put in a lot of time and effort to help our dog, Barnabas, adjust to life, particularly with things he doesn’t understand. The difficult (and sometimes heartbreaking) part is that the only way to train him to be less reactive and protective is to put him in situations that frustrate, confuse, or upset him. Still, we know it’s for the best, so we’ve worked hard to help him get through his anxiety issues, and that work is paying off.

With the many afternoon thunderstorms we’ve had of late, we’ve been able to work with Barnabas about his reactions to the storm, and he’s learning to accept that the booming is not a threat. Our daily walks have aided in calming his reactivity to squirrels, cats, and other dogs. In fact, he’s gotten to the place where he will walk right past a cat without really acknowledging it. Yes! Victory! We're still working on his protectiveness around the vacuum cleaner and lawn mower, but each time, he’s getting better. Progress! I love it!!!!

On our morning walk a few days ago, however, Barnabas and I encountered the unexpected, and I have to be honest, I wasn’t as prepared as I should have been. We were strolling down the sidewalk, minding our own business, when we came upon a man and woman standing in the middle of the street. No big deal, right? Typically, it wouldn’t be, but they weren’t the only ones in the road. Beside them, there was a goat. Yes, a goat. One who seemed VERY interested in meeting Barnabas. (Okay, so it wasn’t a smart goat.)

Well, let’s just say the goat wasn’t the only one interested. As soon as he spotted the tall, gangly creature, Barnabas was intrigued. It took every ounce of strength I had to keep him from running to that goat, especially since the goat was running in our direction. Once we had gotten past the “obstacle” and resumed our walking pace, Barnabas looked up at me with the strangest look like he was asking, “Mama, what was that?” I laughed, patted his head, and replied, “It was a goat, baby. Just a goat. In the middle of the road. You don’t see that every day!”

Recently, I faced a similar situation in my spiritual life though it wasn’t as comical or as harmless. A wise friend told me to be on guard for a whole new level of spiritual attacks now that Jason and I have surrendered to the mission field. I assured him the attacks had already begun, and I was expecting more, but what I didn’t do was prepare for the unexpected. I watched for the standard attacks, the areas where Satan usually wages war. I protected my “buttons” so when/if they were pushed, I would respond rather than react. Unfortunately, I never saw the sneak attack coming.

Before I knew what had happened, I was doubting everything. Who I am. Who God is. Even God’s very existence. You talk about feeling hopeless, powerless, and like the biggest hypocrite in the world! I do not recall another time in my life where I felt so low, nor can I bring to mind another time where Satan used this particular tactic on me. It caught me off guard, and I fell hard. Then the inner accusations began.

“Some Christian! Look at you wallowing in that pit of despair.”

“Who will listen to you now? You can’t even help yourself. What makes you think you can help others?”

“You have no business writing books and teaching about God. You don’t even know what you believe. You ought to just quit. It’s in everybody’s best interest.”

“You’re a fraud, a failure, and a loser. Why would God want to use you anyway?”

And that was only the beginning of the lowly thoughts that tormented me. They continued until I was ready to resign from everything. I felt so unworthy, unable, and unloved. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there, but it’s a horrible place to be. Like I did with Barnabas in the goat situation, I tapped into every available ounce of strength I had, but it wasn’t enough. I could not pull myself from the pit. I was drowning in a sea of despair, and it was all because I hadn’t prepared for the unexpected. I had grown too complacent, too familiar with the battle tactics I had faced before. And maybe even too proud, thinking, “I’ve got this!”

But I didn’t have it. Thank the Lord for my precious husband who is patient with me and helps me work through my issues. He’s not afraid to tell me the truth, even when that’s the last thing I want to hear. But as the Bible tells us, the truth is the very thing that will set us free (John 8:32). And I hadn’t been thinking much truth. No, siree, there were a lot of lies floating through my head, and I had to clean house and sort out what was true and what wasn’t.

I am happy to say I am free from the pit though the encounter has left me tired, weak, and weary. I’m not proud of what happened, and it is by God’s grace alone I made it through. I would appreciate your prayers as I recover from this recent attack and as I face the many more that are certain to come as we seek to follow God’s will. But, my main reason for writing this devotion is to warn you not to make the same mistake I made. Don’t grow complacent in the fight. Don’t become so familiar with Satan’s tactics you fail to prepare for the unexpected. Keep your eyes open and your guard up. You never know when you might encounter an enemy in your path. . .or a goat in the road.