Jason and I have been trying to prepare Barnabas for our upcoming trip.  Obviously, our first dilemma was figuring out what to do with him while we're gone for twelve days.  The initial plan was to have him stay with Jason's parents and their dog, Gus, but after a few attempts to get everyone together and "play nice," it became apparent it wasn't going to work.  Barnabas is too anxious and doesn't willingly accept new people and dogs.  My mother-in-law teases that he's autistic, and I admit, he does portray many of those characteristics, particularly in regards to socialization.

The really bad part is that he's not wired to withdraw from confrontation (like I am).  Instead, he becomes reactive and defensive.  In other words, had Barnabas not been wearing a muzzle during our interactions at Jason's parents' home, they would have both had teeth marks on them.  Good grief!  Though they were both understanding of the situation, I was so embarrassed.  My "child" was being so rude and ugly, and I wished they could see the Barnabas Jason and I have come to know and love.

In my frustration over the situation, I told Jason, "I love Barnabas to death, and I wouldn't trade him for anything, but he has become a major stressor in my life."  I'm serious!  With this big trip to the UK coming up, you would think I would be anxious about the long flight or about speaking to a group of strangers or even about eating unfamiliar food.  And while there is a bit of apprehension about all the details of the trip, the thing that is stressing me the most is what to do with my poor pup.  I don't want him to be stressed out of his mind the entire time we're gone.  I don't want to lose the progress we've made with him.  And I certainly don't want him to hurt anyone as an outlet for his anxiety.

As I lay awake thinking about the situation, a small voice whispered, "Why don't you just send him back to the shelter?  You would have more time and less stress.  You wouldn't have to worry about him chewing up the blankets or scaling the fence.  Yes, life would be much easier and less stressful if you just sent him away."  I don't know where such a suggestion came from, but I have a pretty good idea.  What I do know is the thought of giving away my Barnabas brought tears to my eyes and a heaviness to my heart.

I will be the first to admit to you that Barnabas can be a handful.  Yes, he can get into trouble and try my patience, but he is getting much better.  He has come a LONG way in the seven months we've had him, and Jason and I have finally had the opportunity to see the sweet pup hidden within the many layers of anxiety and insecurity.  He's precious and loving and eager to please. And I have no intentions of sending him away. . . ever!

Many have commended us for our care and commitment to Barnabas, commenting that others would have given up by now.  And honestly, as I've already admitted, the thought has crossed my mind, especially during those first few trying months.  But do you know what kept me going?   Compassion and mercy.  When I looked past that defensive exterior and saw the frightened pup inside, my heart overflowed with compassion.  I knew he needed our love.  He needed to know what it was like to be part of a family.  He needed to know he could depend on someone.  He needed someone to stick with him long enough to see his real nature.  Yes, my compassion for him compelled me to keep trying, training and loving (even after he destroyed my two new throw pillows).

But my compassion and mercy cannot compare to that of the Lord.  And while mine varies depending on my current mood or state of mind, God's doesn't.  While my store of compassion sometimes seems to be exhausted, God's never is.  It renews day after day.  Never running dry.  It is faithful and can be depended on.

When we've messed up, we can be confident in God's compassion and mercy.

When we've gone down the wrong road, we can be confident in God's compassion and mercy.

When we've befriended the wrong crowd, we can be confident in God's compassion and mercy.

When we've failed to trust and tried to work things out on our own, we can be confident in God's compassion and mercy.

No matter what we've done or where we've been, God is faithful and just to forgive us.  He loves us still.  And no matter how badly we've messed up or how many times we've gone astray, He will never give up on us.  He continues to guide, mold and even train us.  Why?  Because He sees beyond our defensive and disobedient exterior and sees what we really are--and, even more than that, what we could be.

Praise the Lord for his renewing compassion and mercy!  We are not consumed or forsaken.  Great is His faithfulness to us!

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